There are a lot of self-related issues that I have trouble with. Self-esteem, self-worth, self-image, and anything else you can come up with. To make it as clear as possible, I don’t really think much of myself. I allow every mistake I make and every criticism I receive to compound my problems, while I have difficulty accepting and assimilating any praise that is given me.
I used to joke incessantly about how smart I was, or how good I was at something, but they were just that: jokes. I know that some of you (depending on who is reading this) will know what I’m talking about. For example, I used to claim that the bigger your head was, the bigger your brain was. In reality, I was simply self-conscious about the size of my head.
The kicker is that these self-doubts are so deeply ingrained in me that I have no idea if they’ll ever go away. As much as I wish otherwise, for all I know, no amount of praise or proof will make me believe in my own capabilities. So now you know: I’m not genuinely saying I’m smarter or better, I’m just trying to throw my self-doubt into sharp relief. So, y’know, don’t take it personally or anything. I can’t help being charming, funny, and incredibly brilliant.
[Edit from the future! whoa! time travel! he did the thing!: I mean, yeah, but also this was a pretty low time in my life, so take my livejournaltumblrconfessionals with a grain of salt and a lot less oh look how uniquely tortured I am!]